That’s Who I Am

Have you ever known someone that only speaks to you when they want to boast about their lives? You ever known a friend that will never invite you to events, but the rest of the group do? You ever known someone call you their friend but treat you like a last resort?

Isn’t it strange how we let people that we look up to and admire treat us like this? More than once they abuse your friendship, more than once you try your best to take them off that pedestal, more than once you fail to tell them that they made you feel like rubbish.

In all honesty- I will not tell you to give these people up. Nor will I say there is a way to change them, but maybe there is a way to change yourself? Think about it. Why do we let them treat us like this?

I thought about it for a long time. A really long time. I don’t like myself.

Not in a “I hate everything I do, oh please give my sympathy” kind of way. More in a “I wish I had more self confidence” way.

I lack confidence so much. I always put myself down, and convince myself that I’m joking and I don’t actually believe it; I used to treat myself like I was just here to please everyone else and this sent me a little crazy. I lost a lot of friendships and drank way too much, I am lucky that I haven’t ended up in a worse place in my life. I would have done anything to make sure someone liked me. Not because I wanted to have loads of friends, but because I thought that If I did that, then maybe someone else would do the same for me? I never used to like conflict and I was always so worried that someone might challenge me on my own opinions and views so I became this really weird (not in a fun way), unhappy person trying to make everyone happy. That did not work.

To say the least- I would have been a very different person if it weren’t for my partner. He keeps me feeling confident about myself, he supports me in anything I do, and he always stands by me. He is my best friend (sorry about the cheesiness.)

I’ll still support them in all of their endevours. I’ll even still be their friend, but not at the expense of my own happiness. Because at the end of the day, that’s who I am.

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6 thoughts on “That’s Who I Am

  1. I’d say lose the friends ASAP. If they’re not considerate enough to be nice to you just as you are, why bother with them? They’ll only keep on making you feel semi-miserable. Boo. But yay for realising you need to put yourself first!

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    • It’s so annoying because I think they are a really lovely person! Just sucks. Also, one of my really good friends has a friend like this that does it to her and I kept saying exactly what you’ve said to her and then I kind of realised that I was doing it too! So I thought, why do I have to keep feeling like this? Do I want to keep feeling like this? If not, then I need to do something about it!

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  2. starlightdaydreamer says:

    Oh, I can relate to this post so much. It reminds me of a very, very sad diary entry that I’ve written in about six or seven different ways. Except mine didn’t have the positive ending that your post did!
    My problem is I always end up in unequal friendships, where the other person means more to me than I seem to mean to them. But at the same time I don’t want to cut them out or risk losing them because I don’t want to be left on my own (even though it already feels like I am). I have this deeply ingrained need to make everyone else happy, and make sure they’re okay, rather than focusing on myself.
    I’m trying to get to the point where I can look out for myself first and be more self-confident, but I haven’t quite gotten there yet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This makes me really sad and I really want to give you a big cuddle.

      I hope you know now that you are worth so, so much more than anyone ever tells you. You are a good person and trying your best with your friends shows that too.

      I hope that you will one day feel like you can be more self-confident, and I truly hope it is soon.

      no-one deserves to feel alone when they are surrounded by people and I really think that once you realise your self worth, you’ll agree.

      Please make sure you put yourself first because at the end of the day you are the one that has to be with you for the rest of your life.

      I hope this post makes you see that…

      Liked by 1 person

      • starlightdaydreamer says:

        Aww! Thank you! *Virtual hug* I’m working towards being self-confident and finding the right people to keep around on a more frequent basis. I have a tendency to isolate myself quite often, so I’m trying not to do that as much.
        Thank you again. You’re so sweet!

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      • *Virtual hug*

        Good! I am glad to hear it! Don’t ever doubt yourself, just think how you can make every situation you’re in (either made by yourself or something that generally happens) your own. OWN LIFE!!
        Haha! Thanks, I want to write to help people so I hope it helps! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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