I have always had this fear. It’s a genuine fear of mine. When I say fear I mean cold sweats, dizzy, sick, falling-to-the-ground fear.
My fear? Forgetting. Being forgotten.
Forgetting who I am, forgetting who my family are, forgetting who loves me, forgetting who I love, forgetting the happiest days of my life, forgetting what house I live in, forgetting where I’ve worked, forgetting the worst days of my life, forgetting the people who let me down, forgetting the people who lifted me up, forgetting my first love, forgetting my last love, forgetting everything.
I fear this because memories, the good and the bad, make you who you are. All of you.
What If I’m forgotten? What if my friends leave me and forget me? What if no-one remembers me for anything good?
I have been tackling this fear for a very long time and I struggle with it a lot. I actually went to counselling for some time and we came up with an idea. Take photos. It may not seem like much, and in all honesty it might not even help if I genuinely did lose my memory. But it’s the one thing that comforts me.
Photos of myself, friends, and family smiling, having fun. I may not be able to remember their names but they are happy. They are happy to be around me whoever I am. That’s what I want.
I want for me to be able to look at photos and work out the type of person I was. I want to be a good person. Someone who makes people smile and be happy. Someone who dances around like a loon, someone who (will hopefully be) was an amazing mother, someone who was an amazing sister, daughter, and friend.
This always makes me think of life on a grander scale, but in turn that gets me thinking about life on the smaller scale.
In order for me to get what I want from life as a whole I have to be able to make every small moment count. I need to smile as much as I can, dance and sing as much as I can, and I need to make accounts of it, be it through here or photos or writing random notes to myself. Either way…. It’s time I start making my life memorable.
What is your biggest fear? Can we combat it together?
Don’t let fear hold you down. Let fear push you to better yourself.