My ’50 Shades Of Grey Experience’

Firstly, I wouldn’t normally want to write or share any of what I’m about to but I have recently been talking to a lot of my friends including younger girls, and also reading a lot of different articles regarding the upcoming release of the ‘love’ story.

A friends of mine recently told me about some sex that her and her partner had. It was the first time they’ve had sex as they have only been dating for a short time. So she was expecting simple, average sex. But he wasn’t. The first thing he did was flip her over on to her stomach and tie her hands and ankles together. She doesn’t have much experience with sex as she has only had one short term boyfriend before who was as innocent and sweet as she is. So she asked me (because apparently I’m an expert) why he did it and is she being a chicken weirdo for not enjoying it. This scares me. Why did she not instantly say “I’m not enjoying this, stop”. She said she didn’t think he would which in her words was “okay, because it’s what he’s comfortable with”  What about YOU?

If you have read the books you will have been co-ersed into believing a lot of things within this book. A lot of things about love and sex that aren’t particularly true.

I have had a lot of experience in this, which I will share with you in due time. I am not writing this for anything other than sharing my opinion and my story so that hopefully others can see the sorts of things that we are quite possibly up against.

50 Shades shows a relationship between a very rich and wealthy man (Christian) and a young (very innocent) college girl (Ana). The relationship is far from loving in fact (in my opinion) it is rather abusive. Christian is a man who enjoys dehumanising Ana, by doing horrible things to her.

A lot of people may see their relationship as romantic because he ‘worships’ the ground she walks on, but actually stalking and having abusive fantasies about her is far from romantic.

I would just like to point out, I am not judging anyone who enjoys a bit of rough play (who doesn’t like a bit of cheekiness?), this is just my story.

Almost 3 years ago now I was in a very horrible relationship. He was a drug dealer and very messed up. When I first met him he was wonderful treated me like I was cool, didn’t criticise me, made me feel pretty, and always wanted me around him. Always. I didn’t see any problem with this. He was 5 years older than me (I 18, him 23) and he often treated me like a little kid. Eventually I noticed he stopped being considerate about doing drugs around me and started expecting me to do everything for him, shopping, cleaning, taking care of his dog, making dinner for him and his 8 friends, stay up until 5 in the morning providing drink for him and his friends when I had work at 6 and many other things. I started to get annoyed at him for treating me like this and started to ask him to change some of his bad habits.

He didn’t like this. The first time it happened was when I asked him to keep the music down because I needed to sleep as I had work early in the morning. He terrified me. It started out as shouting and spitting in my face and telling me I was going to work to cheat on him (he was very messed up.) and that I was ugly and fat and that’s why he hated having sex with me etc (he also said he wouldn’t have sex with me unless I wore heels, dyed my hair, and wore make up and fake eye lashes). This at first made me go “Woah, what the hell?! maybe he had a bad day.” Then it became more. That night he “apologised” to me by waking me up to have sex. It started out fine but then it became very rough and aggressive. He used to strangle me during sex. I was scared and confused so I didn’t argue. I also had’t had much experience with sex at this point, so I kind of thought that this is what it was meant to be like.

It got even worse when he would lock me in his room tied up (all arms and legs to each corner of the bed) with all of his friends in the other room so he could come in and do what ever he wanted to me, whenever he wanted.


It took me a long time to realise that actually sex is meant to be a loving act, between two people who want to have hot, passionate sex.

just so you all know, you can have really good sex with out being abusive. if you’re into it just make sure you do it with someone that will know when you say no for real because that is where you need to draw the line.

50 Shades promotes violence as sexiness. It makes you think that the fact the this guy is all over this woman to the point of stalking her, and the fact that he wants to do all of these things to her is sexy. It’s not. What is sexy is a man that doesn’t mind picking you up and pressing against you on the bed and ripping your clothes off without having to demoralise you. (sex is better when emotions are there.)

The first book ends with a sentence that should make you all go “Crap. That is crazy.”

“with Ana alone, crying on her bed because she has fallen for a man who she now knows is deeply disturbed.”

What woman or man deserves to be left crying because of sex? What woman or man deserves to be left crying at all?! No one!

I ask you something. Think of your friend in this situation.

She doesn’t think it’s sexy.

Your best friend.

Your sister.

Your mother.

Your daughter.

It may feel weird to think of those people having this kind of sex. But if you saw them crying about this, and they told you all the things Christian had done to Ana. What would you want to do to him?

They may think it’s fine to be treated like a sex object, they may think it’s okay to be seen like a piece of crap, and they may even think it’s fine if they’re only aggressive in the bedroom.

This book; this film that is so easily accessible (just as much as porn), is promoting this sort of behaviour.

On a quick side note, a lot of you may think “But she changes him and makes him see the nice romantic way!” NO. They. Never. Change. Take that from someone who knows.

I’m not saying that people who enjoy a bit of BDSM are crazy and sexual predators, I’m just pointing out; would you prefer to promote a healthy, loving, and understanding sexual relationship to your children? Or would you prefer they thought that ‘normal sex’ means having to get tied up, gagged and humiliated?

I know which one I chose.


Once again- I haven’t written this for any other reason than I am concerned and this sort of thing quite frankly is scary to me.

Have sex. Have a lot of fun sex. Have amazing sex. But remember it’s got to be as good for you as it is for the other person.


12 thoughts on “My ’50 Shades Of Grey Experience’

  1. I read the 50 Shades book and was appalled at the writing! The story was everything I would never wish for any woman. This was not a story about love. It was pure and simple abuse at the hand of a predator who preyed on a young and naive woman. Thanks for sharing your story. Women need to know that this behavior is not alright and stand up for their convictions. Well done. I applaud you. ❤ And… you are right! Harry Potter was a million times better than this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I completely agree. Thank you so much for reading and commenting too. It isn’t something I normally like to share unless I feel it can help someone and I have been horrified by what some younger girls have said to me regarding their sexual encounters with men. It’s scary to think that they feel like this is all okay and I hope that everyone (including men) understand and know that they are not alone and this actually happens all too often, but it is not a good thing. I am genuinely upset that to has sold more than Harry Potter…!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You have shed some much needed light on this topic, and I thank you for your brave transparency. The concept of the book is disturbing enough (confusing abusive attention/actions with love) but the number of books sold and now, a movie?! I love your last sentences, sex is awesome – a bond of love and trust acted out in respect for the whole person. Maybe we can have books and movies about that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, I am glad you agree. Maybe I should start writing a book about love? Well sex is great! sometimes even if it is a one time thing! I think the bests sex is when there are a lot of emotions between you and the other person. Not even love but that willingness to let go and be in this other persons arms and to give yourself to this other person because you’re not scared. Why would you not want that?! Thanks for reading! I really thought I was going to get a lot of hack for this but actually I have had nothing but support! Good people!!


  3. Damn and blast! I had composed my reply to your posting and my darling cat pressed the wrong key and I lost it all!

    Firstly I’d like to thank you for visiting my blog and then becoming a follower.
    I think you are a very brave woman for sharing your sexual experiences as a method of helping other woman (of all ages)
    I have not read the Fifty shades of Grey as I have too many GOOD books to read. Maybe though I should read it in order to participate in in-depth. discussions

    I am not a rabid feminist, but I strongly believe that women do not have to accept that because a man wants” it”, whatever the it may be, or just because he is “comfortable with the situation” the woman has the right to say NO. if she is uncomfortable with the situation.
    Certainly you will be verbally abused and at least called a cock-teaser, but if you don’t stand up for your rights, who will?

    I think it’s horrendous that such a theme has been made into a film for the “general” market to further influence inexperienced and gullible females to allow any man to degrade them.
    I liked your comment that “sex is awesome – a bond of love and trust acted out in respect for the whole person”. Certainly you can have good sex without love. Just a mutual need.
    May I suggest that you visit Bookshelf Battle blog and read his posting on “Fifty shades of Blech”

    Your posting and your readers’ comments is just what he is looking for.

    Thankyou for sharing your experience, I’m sure it will be of value to young and older women. I appreciate your transparency.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Darn cat! Thanks for making the effort to type again!

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read through it. I really think that if you have had something bad happen it shouldn’t say bad for your whole life. Turn you curses into blessings. If I can help people, anybody I will be as transparent as I need to be!

      I feel it’s hard enough these days to get young men and women to feel like they don’t have to change themselves for others and this just pushes the other way! Why should anybody have to pretend to enjoy sex?!

      Sex is the best! It isn’t meant to be scary!

      I will go check it out, thank you!

      Once again, thank you so much for reading and taking your (second) time to comment! I hope that things I write will help someone at some point!


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