Firstly, I wouldn’t normally want to write or share any of what I’m about to but I have recently been talking to a lot of my friends including younger girls, and also reading a lot of different articles regarding the upcoming release of the ‘love’ story.
A friends of mine recently told me about some sex that her and her partner had. It was the first time they’ve had sex as they have only been dating for a short time. So she was expecting simple, average sex. But he wasn’t. The first thing he did was flip her over on to her stomach and tie her hands and ankles together. She doesn’t have much experience with sex as she has only had one short term boyfriend before who was as innocent and sweet as she is. So she asked me (because apparently I’m an expert) why he did it and is she being a chicken weirdo for not enjoying it. This scares me. Why did she not instantly say “I’m not enjoying this, stop”. She said she didn’t think he would which in her words was “okay, because it’s what he’s comfortable with” What about YOU?
If you have read the books you will have been co-ersed into believing a lot of things within this book. A lot of things about love and sex that aren’t particularly true.
I have had a lot of experience in this, which I will share with you in due time. I am not writing this for anything other than sharing my opinion and my story so that hopefully others can see the sorts of things that we are quite possibly up against.
50 Shades shows a relationship between a very rich and wealthy man (Christian) and a young (very innocent) college girl (Ana). The relationship is far from loving in fact (in my opinion) it is rather abusive. Christian is a man who enjoys dehumanising Ana, by doing horrible things to her.
A lot of people may see their relationship as romantic because he ‘worships’ the ground she walks on, but actually stalking and having abusive fantasies about her is far from romantic.
I would just like to point out, I am not judging anyone who enjoys a bit of rough play (who doesn’t like a bit of cheekiness?), this is just my story.
Almost 3 years ago now I was in a very horrible relationship. He was a drug dealer and very messed up. When I first met him he was wonderful treated me like I was cool, didn’t criticise me, made me feel pretty, and always wanted me around him. Always. I didn’t see any problem with this. He was 5 years older than me (I 18, him 23) and he often treated me like a little kid. Eventually I noticed he stopped being considerate about doing drugs around me and started expecting me to do everything for him, shopping, cleaning, taking care of his dog, making dinner for him and his 8 friends, stay up until 5 in the morning providing drink for him and his friends when I had work at 6 and many other things. I started to get annoyed at him for treating me like this and started to ask him to change some of his bad habits.
He didn’t like this. The first time it happened was when I asked him to keep the music down because I needed to sleep as I had work early in the morning. He terrified me. It started out as shouting and spitting in my face and telling me I was going to work to cheat on him (he was very messed up.) and that I was ugly and fat and that’s why he hated having sex with me etc (he also said he wouldn’t have sex with me unless I wore heels, dyed my hair, and wore make up and fake eye lashes). This at first made me go “Woah, what the hell?! maybe he had a bad day.” Then it became more. That night he “apologised” to me by waking me up to have sex. It started out fine but then it became very rough and aggressive. He used to strangle me during sex. I was scared and confused so I didn’t argue. I also had’t had much experience with sex at this point, so I kind of thought that this is what it was meant to be like.
It got even worse when he would lock me in his room tied up (all arms and legs to each corner of the bed) with all of his friends in the other room so he could come in and do what ever he wanted to me, whenever he wanted.
THIS IS NOT ROMANCE. THIS IS NOT LOVE. THIS IS ABUSE.
It took me a long time to realise that actually sex is meant to be a loving act, between two people who want to have hot, passionate sex.
just so you all know, you can have really good sex with out being abusive. if you’re into it just make sure you do it with someone that will know when you say no for real because that is where you need to draw the line.
50 Shades promotes violence as sexiness. It makes you think that the fact the this guy is all over this woman to the point of stalking her, and the fact that he wants to do all of these things to her is sexy. It’s not. What is sexy is a man that doesn’t mind picking you up and pressing against you on the bed and ripping your clothes off without having to demoralise you. (sex is better when emotions are there.)
The first book ends with a sentence that should make you all go “Crap. That is crazy.”
“with Ana alone, crying on her bed because she has fallen for a man who she now knows is deeply disturbed.”
What woman or man deserves to be left crying because of sex? What woman or man deserves to be left crying at all?! No one!
I ask you something. Think of your friend in this situation.
She doesn’t think it’s sexy.
Your best friend.
It may feel weird to think of those people having this kind of sex. But if you saw them crying about this, and they told you all the things Christian had done to Ana. What would you want to do to him?
They may think it’s fine to be treated like a sex object, they may think it’s okay to be seen like a piece of crap, and they may even think it’s fine if they’re only aggressive in the bedroom.
This book; this film that is so easily accessible (just as much as porn), is promoting this sort of behaviour.
On a quick side note, a lot of you may think “But she changes him and makes him see the nice romantic way!” NO. They. Never. Change. Take that from someone who knows.
I’m not saying that people who enjoy a bit of BDSM are crazy and sexual predators, I’m just pointing out; would you prefer to promote a healthy, loving, and understanding sexual relationship to your children? Or would you prefer they thought that ‘normal sex’ means having to get tied up, gagged and humiliated?
I know which one I chose.
Also- WHAT MANIACS HAVE BOUGHT IT MORE THAN HARRY POTTER?! HARRY POTTER IS THE BEST!!
Once again- I haven’t written this for any other reason than I am concerned and this sort of thing quite frankly is scary to me.
Have sex. Have a lot of fun sex. Have amazing sex. But remember it’s got to be as good for you as it is for the other person.